I complied with his wishes, indulged his desire to see me in things I would never have even considered before because he rewarded me with approving smiles and incredible passion. He constantly wanted me and I really really loved being wanted. Let's be real - we all want love. With Langston it wasn't about hearing "I love you" or expecting him to actually listen to me. It was about the attention. He had to devote a significant amount of time to manipulating my every waking moment - and some of my sleeping ones as well - so I felt important. I felt important putting the card back into its envelope and shimmied the top off of the box. Inside I could see the folds of soft yellow tissue paper concealing a treasure underneath. My heart started to beat a little faster as I began to fantasize what might be hidden beneath. I could have torn into it but I didn't. I sat there, my naked black bottom sticking to the couch's black leather, my mind rummaging through a daydream of Bloomingdale's. To me, there’s no such thing as a radar built into a person, so they can automatically tell who’s who. I always figured I would have to actually talk with someone and get to know them first. Hello? Anyway…Blue was very cute. I guess she was what people in the gay community would call ‘butch’. Although, I hated using those labels on people. I hated them so much. I just saw a woman that I was attracted to instantly. It wasn’t looks though. It was her personality – sense of humor, attitude, and overall persona just drew me to her. I never dealt with that type of attraction. For me, it usually happened at a slow pace because I was always convinced that if anyone really got a chance to get to know me, they wouldn’t like me. So, I gave people a hard time. And I’m sure I ran away some good men and women before I even met Blue. During the time that we met she was in a ‘serious’ relationship with a woman named Michelle. They lived together at the time. I wanted her, too. However, I knew.
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